Sunday, August 29, 2021

Yes...and

A decade later and back to singlehood and working in medicine.  I had been content in being solo though a recent encounter awoke me to a longing to be in a diad in which words only enhance what is already known.  I am reminded of Rumi's profound words, I closed my mouth and spoke to you in a hundred silent ways.  Yes, I am attracted to him, and he is not available.  Icarus of love revisits.  It may seem trivial to some, though there is a certain grieving process in letting go of something one cannot have. 

Bandon, Oregon  2014
Perhaps it is my interest in death and also the nature of my work in neuro-oncology; I gravitate towards podcasts about grief and loss.  A recent episode on Everything Happens commented, 'life is a series of losses'.   Those that know my full history understand why this would resonate.  Our culture focuses on the positive -- Live your best life now! You can be as happy as her in the commercial if you eat this yogurt!  As if our lives are always beautiful Instagram reels.  Perhaps the truth is that we live within the space between loss and abundance, between sorrow and joy, between life working out and going to shit. Between the yes...and

Yes, life is beautiful and it is fucked up. Yes, I am independent and I am lonely. Yes, I have so much to be thankful for and things didn't turn out the way I wanted.  Grief strips us to the studs and life rebuilds us again. Yes, our hearts break and it keeps on beating. 


Wisdom tells me I am nothing. 
Love tells me I am everything. 
And between these two, my life flows. 

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